Christmas Songs

This one has seemed to hit me especially hard this season. I used to like most Christmas songs, but lately a large portion of them seem to rub me the wrong way. I will say that most church Christmas songs are OK by me. I like that they are generally simple and some hauntingly beautiful. And truthfully I defy anyone to not be moved by a candlelit rendition of Silent Night.

I also greatly enjoy cheesier fare like Feliz Navidad, Here Comes Santa Claus, Jingle Bells, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (only the first 10 times), Run Run Rudolph, and The 12 Days of Christmas if, and only if sung by the Muppets. Mariah Carey also hit the jackpot in my book with All I Want for Christmas Is You, as do most people who attempt Carol of the Bells. I’ve also been known to rock out to some Mannheim Steamroller jams. Lastly, I find that any sort of cartoon character compilations (minus a select trio who will soon be mentioned) to be somewhat entertaining. My sister and I once bought a cassette tape at Big Lots entitled Ren and Stimpy’s Crock O’ Christmas. Let me assure you, that is singing animation at its finest. I’ve also been told by a dear friend, who possesses a love for much the same off-kilter humor as me, that the Cabbage Patch Kids Christmas is also worth a try in your Christmas repertoire.

Now onto the stinkers. I’m not such a fan of pop stars who try to put out an album of their take on Christmas classics. You might find a gem here and there (ie Mariah…or Mimi or whatever the hell she calls herself now), but generally I think they should just be burnt in a big pile like those morally questionable books from Wasilla’s Library. Overly sappy songs, like Amy Grant’s My Grown-Up Christmas List (sorry Mom!) and the deplorable Christmas Shoes don’t really sit well with me. Again, I’m not saying that these aren’t nice sentiments, I just think they try too damn hard. I’m fully aware that there are very poor people in the world, but I’d rather give them my money than pay to hear someone so earnestly croon about their plight. I also recently read something rather funny about the song Baby It’s Cold Outside. I really have no qualms about the song, it’s cute. But on an MSN message board a poster was vehemently against the song saying “That line “What’s in this Drink” is horrible. I don’t usually associate date rape with Christmas.” I don’t really think the poor guy in the song slipped a roofie in his lady-friend’s drink…but the line kinda makes me wonder when I hear it now. And lastly, I’m just going to say this one time. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore shouldn’t sing…ever. If you think I’m a big asshole for saying this I’m certainly sorry you feel that way. But every time the song “Please Christmas Don’t be Late” come on I can’t bear it, especially the line “me…I want a huuuuuula hoop!” Just earth shattering, and I mean that in a bad way.