GOP Granny

Today, because it is my grandma's 86th birthday, I dedicate this post to her. And since this post is about and in honor of my granny, I will whole-heartedly attempt to refrain from using the "colorful" language that so effortlessly imbues my writing. If she ever actually stumbled her way onto the internet and miraculously found this blog, I would hope she'd be proud of my restraint.

Before I actually start poking fun at the lady, I just want to say that I love her dearly. She's a spunky and spirited woman who has raised 5 children, one of those being my dad who (according to lore) was born backwards and upside down. Not cool Dad, not cool. She bakes a really swell (you'll notice I did not use the preferred adjective bad*ss) batch of sugar cookies and is fond of crafty projects. (She made me a needle point table runner last year for Christmas with prancing cats on it. I'll probably never in my life be caught using that thing, but I truly believe it is the thought that counts.) But most of all she's great because she really loves our family, and well, she's the last grandparent I have left.

With that caveat out of the way, I'll continue by saying that the lady is (God love her) a through and through Republican, and she'd love to familiarize you with the details if you ask. When I was younger I remember going to her house in the afternoon when she was listening to the Rush Limbaugh program on the radio while checking out CSPAN coverage. Then when cable news networks spread like the plague, Grandma began to experience a higher standard of political living in the form of the Fox News channel. She introduced me to Neil Cavuto, Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, Mort Kondrake and Fred Barnes (aka "The Beltway Boys") and that bastion of conservatism: Bill O'Reilly. She even videotaped Bill Clinton's impeachment trial and bought the Starr Report for a little light reading. She's waving her GOP freak flag for all to see and she's not a bit ashamed.

This all made it even more difficult when, at the age of 18, I decided to become a Democrat. Most of my family is (surprise, surprise) Republican, and views my political affiliation with a) bemused interest or b) all-knowing confidence that I will revert back to the righteous political path after I get all those liberal college ideas out of my head. I never actually spoke to my grandma about my political views until this election when I was politically "outed" by my dad. Not cool Dad, not cool. I volunteered for the Obama/Biden campaign (another time-filler in my days of unemployment) which my dad felt the need to bring up when we took Grandma out to dinner one night. I wanted to stab him with my "Yes We Can" pin. Grandma took it decently well and just said coldly, "That's nice." She was probably plotting how to lock me in her house with nothing but a book on Reaganomics and Sarah Palin's recorded thoughts on international relations, or worse, anything remotely related to Ann Coulter.

We didn't talk politics again until she brought up the inauguration at Christmas Dinner. She asked my sister and I if we planned on going to which I said "No Grandma, I'd like to, but I don't think I can afford to go." She laughed and said "Why don't you ask Oprah Winfrey to pick you up on the way from Chicago?" The whole family had a nice chuckle. "You know I really hope Obama (which she pronounces as oBAMa) and his family will be safe and happy in DC." I was slightly taken aback and my icy liberal heart warmed at her words. "And I hope he does everything he promised he would." Ok, Grandma. Stop while you're ahead. Please. "And that he doesn't drive us to socialism with all these government handouts. And let me tell you what I think about this situation in Iraq..." I just sighed. Oh well. I'll just tell people she's senile.